My story chronicling my personal struggle with depression is definitely not one of the worst you will read because I’m still alive. However; I’m firmly convinced that if I hadn’t found effective help I wouldn’t be right now.
For me, DEPRESSION was a like huge black void that gradually sucked me in. As it was progressing over the years though, it never occurred to me to try to do anything about it. I didn’t even know I was depressed!
I Was Depressed Even as a Child
I suppose I had been “chronically depressed” since I was a young child. For even way back then I can recall having feelings of unexplainable malaise and anxiety. Of course being a child, I simply assumed that it was all normal.
However; it was over the course of the time frame spanning my mid to late teen years that things began to “get worse”. People around me seemed to be so content and they all had things that they liked to do (hobbies and such). Yet I had nothing.
One dreary day passed along into another and the truth is that I remember very little of my life during those years. Just brief periods of happiness, I suppose, all interspersed with long periods of “nothingness”. Just nothing.
At Age 21 My Depression Worsened
Then I turned 21 and my depression began to “get worse”. You see now that I was 21, I was able to get into bars and from that point on I spent the next handful years attempting to escape my reality in dimly lit, smokey bars and night clubs.
They were a place that I could escape to and hide away from the rest of the world and be with other people like myself. Lonely desperate people, all searching for shallow, temporary chemically induced pleasures.
My Depression Led to Drug Use
Of course it wasn’t long until I was introduced to anonymous sex, meth and crack cocaine. All of which would served to fill the empty void inside of me. A void that I had carried around with my my whole life.
My lifestyle became totally hedonistic, as I chased one “temporary fix” after another. Each time hoping it would last longer then the one before it but only finding the opposite. That they were only delivering shorter “periods of relief”.
Then just after I turned 25 I met and married a man who had the same problems that I had. In fact I had only known him for all of three weeks when we drove up to Reno together and tied the knot.
My Depravity Began to Seem Normal to Me
Of course we had absolutely nothing to offer each other materially or emotionally. However; one thing that he did bring to my life was a MORBID feeling of normalcy. He was someone who was “just like me” and for some reason it served to make the insanity seem more “normal”.
Of course the marriage lasted only six months. It basically ended when my husband was picked up by by his parole officer after failing two drug tests. He was sent back to prison and that was the last time I ever saw him again.
A Caring Relative Extends a Helping Hand
My next stop was at my aunts house where she let me stay with her to get “my life back together”. The odd thing though, was that my life had never been “together” in the first place so I kinda chuckled every time I heard her tell me that.
So I did the best I could to be as NORMAL as possible. I got a job working at a local clothing store and did my best not to let my aunt down. I stayed out of the bars and even started going to AA meetings two or three times a week.
It was during this time period that my aunt opened up to me and told me that she suffered from depression and that it ran in our family. She explained to me that when she was younger she also went through some of the same “struggles” that I was going through.
Treating My Depression With Amoryn
She also introduced me to AMORYN and convinced me to try it. It wasn’t a drug with side effects or anything, so I went ahead and started taking it. Basically just to get her “off my back” because she was very persistent.
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Slowly over time, I began to notice subtle positive changes in my life. As an example, for once I actually enjoyed getting up and going to work and stopped showing up late or calling in sick. I even got promoted!
It seemed that for once in my life I could see the “light at the end of the tunnel” and began taking my sobriety seriously. Also through it all, me and my aunt developed a much closer relationship. We’re now like sisters!
Today I have My Life Back
I can now say today that as off writing this, I’m happier than I have ever been in my life. I haven’t touched a drink or a drug in over a year and recently finished my first semester at the local junior college.
There’s just no way that I could have come this far on my own. Without the advise and help of my aunt in helping to understand and treat my depression, who knows where I would be right now. “Probably in jail or dead”.
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Tags: Depression Remedies